Many times I’ve heard the exasperated phrases “God only knows what she was thinking when she did that.”  or “God knows what’s going on.”  Some kind of offhand remarks for questions like What is going on? Or what was she thinking?

While doing a little self reflection, I must consider how many times I’ve thought “Well God knows what’s really going on here, I”ll let Him deal with that, they’ll have to answer for that.” or “God knows my thoughts, repent and ask for forgiveness or you’ll have to answer for that someday”  yikes…

This past weekend on our trip to Pittsburgh, we had the gift of hours in the truck.  Some hours spent talking with each other, other hours just silent each caught up in our own thoughts.  Quiet hours are the best times for me when my brain and heart can connect. This song by For King and Country, “God only knows” came on and  it’s struck me with some deep thoughts the last few days. I’m taking the time now to write them out and think them through. I hope you can follow.  

Listen to it.  

When Nobody knows. 

Do I trust that God knowing is enough?  Do I recognize that His knowing is the one that counts?  Do I believe that it’s enough that God knows, He’s seen it all, He recognizes what I’ve been through.  That He’s my protector, He’s got my back? Do I believe it’s enough that God knows what people say about me; He knows the truth, good or bad, because HE is Truth?  

But more importantly do I believe that God knows the real me; the me He created, the me He gave very specific characteristics, plans and purposes to?

Can I be honest with myself and see the possibility that my version of me, the lies of my insignificance, or unworthiness; that other’s version of me because of my past choices, interactions, mistakes and misunderstandings; in reality might not be God’s version of me?

Might not be how God knows me, sees me, understands me, loves me.  

Can it be enough for me to trust God with what He knows?  Of course it should be, He died to save me.

There is a kind of love that God only knows.  

A kind of love only He knows how to give. 

A kind of love that NO one else can give.  

A kind of love specific for me, for my pain that maybe nobody knows exists. 

A kind of love specifically designed to heal me, to satisfy and meet my needs and cover my wounds.  

When Somebody knows.

Can I even begin to imagine the freedom, relief, and comfort of KNOWING and I mean deep down in my heart and mind, trusting and knowing that He sees me and loves me?  

That His mercy and grace sees my ugly thoughts, my recurring choices, my failings. He knows. 

And He knows because He’s God he’s for the lonely, for the ashamed, for the misunderstood and for the ones to blame.

He gives me the chance to start over.  

To be forgiven. 

To trust He’s got me.

He knows the me that is yet to be discovered.  

Personally, I struggle a lot with the fact that God does know me.  I hate that He knows my failings, my shortcomings. But you know what?  God even knows that.  That my desire is to love and serve Him. To give Him my best despite of all the ways I fail and disappoint Him.  

There’s a kind of love that God only knows.  I am so encouraged, grateful, and in awe of Him.  That He knows the kind of love I give Him. I give Him my praise and love in a way that looks different than others.  I’m designed to give Him a love that only He knows. Glorify only Him in a way others don’t deserve to receive.  

That’s an intimacy I can’t get enough of.  

So many knows.  

So much yet to know.  

So much we get the opportunity to seek and then know.  

Who do I want to know?